Sensible Bleak

scarabwarrior:

The streets where normally dead this time of night, and he would be able to just fly around and wind down after a patrol. Something was different tonight. The Scarab kept nagging him, kept pulling up the infra-red lenses without asking and just was being a pain in general. After a while, he just had to give up.

“Dios mios, ese… What is your disfunction tonight?” He groaned as he landed on the closest rooftop and the wings on his armor folded away. Standing there, glaring at space for a moment he just shook his head, “There’s nothing weird out here. You’ve been doing scans all night. Anything with a pulse would have shown up.” He rolled his eyes and moved to sit on the ledge for a moment, distracted by the voice only he could hear.

Zai had been seeking refuge for the night when he got the idea to simply escape to the rooftops. No one would bother him there and the noises of the city would possibly be muffled high up. He was pleased and therefore he sought a humble way up. Climbing up the fire escape in an alley way was the best way for him to be unseen and as soon as he stepped onto the roof, he looked for a comfy nook to rest.

It wasn’t long before something landed nearby and Zai crept out to observe. A human of some sort? Perhaps if he stayed hidden then he wouldn’t be bothered? But how often did someone land on a building? Zai stepped out and heaved a sigh. “I guess I’m not the only one lurking the rooftops.”

>.< Less than a month and I’ll be married to the best man I’ve ever been together with. He didn’t fill my head with lies or deceive me to think that if I stayed with him everything would be magic and chocolate candies living a comfortable life with enough money to support a family. He showed me reality. He plainly told me that we will struggle. We will be poor. But we have both taken that leap of faith and haven’t fallen to the illusions the world creates. He stands right beside me, even though we’re many miles apart, and we go through the trials life throws at us and we push forward. He does what it takes to make me his wife, his companion through this life and the next, and he has worked very very hard to get himself ready to make those things possible. I meet him half way and we equally make the efforts to make our relationship deeper and stronger to withstand the world. 

To create a bond that cannot be easily broken by a mere quarrel. 

To create a bond that lasts eternity, not a few years. 

He has shown me time and time again of how much he loves me and I cannot put into words how immense his love for me is. Getting married to him is the best decision I have ever made and it is exactly how I have wanted it. In the temple. (And it is not just a building. For those of you who think that…you obviously do not know or understand me as well as you think you do.) I love this man very much. No, the word “love” is not even a worthy label of how I feel for him. Something deeper. An eternal peace and joy that overwhelms me and spreads through my body like the comforting warmth of a tender hug. The tears of happiness that roll down my cheeks as my hand is simply held in his. The scent of clear and crisp air in the mornings. The touch of a down feather against my cheek. The site of a million colors in clarity that no one else can capture but me. The ever creeping smile that always finds its way onto my lips as my thoughts wander to that him. Thoughts of tender innocent moments. The sound of laughter like notes pleasantly played on the piano.

This is how I feel. Honestly. And it is one of the purest things I have ever had. I treasure it and keep it close to my heart. It warms me when it is cold and disgusting in the world. And I do not plan on giving this up just because someone doesn’t like it. This has been the happiest I have ever been with anyone and even before that. Finally…I’m getting exactly what I want! Something that will last for eternity! No one and nothing can take this away from me. 

redconvoy:

ask-the-journalist-ponies:

Wanna see how many there are.

Same here

(via hazardwithin)

Somehow, I have come to find myself in one of the loneliest predicaments. Friends try to get together with me…and I find an excuse to not see them. Is it because somewhere deep down I’m telling myself I don’t deserve friends? Is it because I have a hard time dealing with people that I would just rather not even try anymore? Is it because it takes too much effort? In all honesty..it’s probably all of that. 

Someone pointed out to me a bit ago that when I’m around people..I just act polite. I may seem happy but in the end I’m just pretending to enjoy the company of other people. 

Do I really like isolation that much?

It’s so ironic because here I am, soon to be married, to spend my whole life with someone else, and I can’t even bring myself to spend time with my friends. Don’t ask me how that worked out. 

No, I know why.

I’m afraid I’ll be hurt like so many times before. 

And sometimes I’m avoiding a certain someone. Someone who doesn’t talk to me anymore. Someone who I still care for deeply. Someone who shares the same friends that I do.

In my own way..I’m punishing myself and isolating myself so that this someone can never have to worry about running into me and so that they can keep all their friendships that they found…even when some of them we had found together. 

I get it now.

So that’s why I’ve felt such anger towards this someone.

I felt that they had been taking everything away from me when in the end I was doing most of the work in making sure these things were happening. 

I need to stop.

It’s just so hard when I feel like I’m the only one stranded outside only able to look in on other people enjoying themselves fully. 

I’ve kept that from myself for too long.

Why can’t I enjoy everything fully too?

When one life ends another begins. An endless loop. An endless torment. 

It’s nothing to envy. At least this is what Zai thought as he lay there under the peaceful stars listening to the mimi-ing of cicadas. The wind picked up as if to ease his deep sorrow that gnawed at the back of his mind. 

He had lived too many lives. Way too many. 

Zai couldn’t sleep, as many of his kind didn’t have the luxury to do so. To enjoy dreaming. He once had, but that all ended too abruptly to the point that it was only but a sliver of a memory. Only one dream remained with him. 

A dark,

disturbing,

dream.

This wasn’t a dream he wanted to share, so he kept it to himself. Krux told him that the life he was given would soon get better, but Zai didn’t believe it to be a lif at all. His soul would never rest. He could die a million deaths, feel all of the pain, and not once would there be relief for him.